It happened..
Okay everyone. It finally happened.. But it can only get better from here right? What am I talking about.. BV and my heart... my heart has broken because I finally realized that I can never be with him. It kills me to know that. i cried so much and so long, and so hard... 2 blood vessels in my eyes bursted. I knew it was going to eventually happen.. But it finally did, and now I realize it. We talked for a long long time last night about "us". He said that he didnt mean for us to be like we are, he wanted our friendship to just be like friends, he said but instead we kiss, and hold hands, and hug for way to long to be just friends. He said we were more than friends, he knows that. He feels that he is straight, but there is that little doubt in the back of his head that says you know, I could be with a guy.. But idk. We were listening to a song and it talked about running away, and he said lets run away.. And I said I would run away with you in a heartbeat, and again started crying. He comferted me, and he said that he hates how bad he is breaking my heart. He really feels bad and it hurts him he said that he hurts me. I told him when I look into his eyes I see us being together and I see happiness and I see a future. He said I know what your talking about. I said everytime I look into your eyes I smile. He said I know, I see you smile, and I smile too. We are trying to be good friends, just friends, maybe with benefits? I tried last night, I stayed up until 5am trying to get him to sleep with me and he almost did, he said. Well, this is how it happened.. He was talking about morningwood, cuz he always gets morningwood, and it was 3am so thats what time he gets it.. then his morningwood turned into a full on boner, I was helping with that one a little, rubbing his back, wispering into his ears, rubbing his feet, tickeling him... etc.. I just wanted a little u know..action, you could say..lol. sry teens got needs too.. and it was my birthday. he was almost there, almost let me... but then he changed his mind at the last second. Rats.. But i did get to play with it.. so.. thats a plus..anyway, trying to advance myself sexually, could work. I might keep trying.. you never know... Anyway I'm getting out of here.. Oh one last thing that pissed me off... i got a speeding ticket today for 70 in a 55... FMLLove Andrew Bennett <33
I cant imagine how hard it must be with BV being so close to being together with you, and yet so far. It will only get better when you find someone else to love.
ReplyDeleteActually Andrew things are going quite well with BV. C'mon, you just turned 17 and young guys want their freedom, not a life partner and restrictions. Keep working on the 'friends with benefits' style of your friendship with BV and see where it goes. But he is too young for you to be putting the heat on him about a serious boyfriend relationship and the sexuality aspect. If you crowd his space too much then he might pull away. If he is not gay then he is bisexual for sure. A wonderful friend though who talks with you intimately and honestly so with spring and summer coming up enjoy some fun times with him and keep your eyes open for other gay guys around too.
ReplyDelete-I got a 'yellow light' ticket a couple of years ago and that pissed me off too. (paying a $170 fine really makes my day!) I will have those points back in another few months. I have a sporty and high-powered motorcycle also so protecting my license is important. Generally speaking always stay within 10mph of the speed limit and when the light turns yellow put on the brakes and stop. You must be very careful and drive like an old granny for the next few years so your point total will get back to normal. bfn - Wayne :)
Ah, the friends who aren't sure dilemma. It's so hard to make suggestions. I think you got it figured out, but be careful you don't go past his limits until he invites you to...though he certainly seems to be trying to make up his mind to...but I sure understand your heart here, too, been there myself a lot. It's not easy. So from me.
ReplyDeleteAs to the ticket...I think NC is like up here in VA. First offense, no accident, nothing too stupid (the judges all know kids speed), you go to an $85 8-hour long driving school ((usually on a Saturday), and they dismiss it, so no points. In VA, it's handled in Juvie Court. Hope your mom doesn't go ballistic. And that it all works out.
Peace <3
Jay