Hmmmm..
Okay guys. Here is the story between me and BV. I have tried to do sexual things with him but he will not have it. I toutch him, he toutches me, but that is about all he will have. No sex has been going on and I am really considering just stopping everything we have. It is so confusing on what he wants because one day he acts like he wants something more, and then I think what happens is he starts thinking and talks himself out of it. There is nothing I can do in this situation. We will never be together; friendship is all it is going to be, and I am going to have to deal with that, as much as it hurts me, and as much as I hate it and want more. The problem is there are no gay or bi guys that I know of that go to my school except XX Maybe I have not been fishing around as much as I could be, however I have been stuck on BV. I need to forget about him for a while and focus on finding other gay or bi guys I can start to talk to. I am pretty much out at school. Most of my friends know, about 80% and the other 20% have no idea, but I will admit those 20% are not good friends of mine. To this point most of my friends do not care, except one who doesnt talk to me at all anymore, and if that is how he feels he can go F*** himself. He wasnt that good of a friend to begin with, so F*** him. That is how I feel. Also today in English class I overheard some comments. They were "that kid right there he def likes it up the A**." And it didn't really bother me because they are just ignorant. I dont like those kids anyway. I hate more than half that class. Also in art class some girls were making fun of me a little, but it was okay. I really dont care. I said one thing to a girl and I said I bet when you get married your husband will have a motorcycle, because she was wearing a leather jacket. And she said will you marry me and get a motorcycle? and this other girl said yeah haha that wont happen.. insinuating that duh im gay.. but other than that it was ok. BV was in a good mood and then he wasnt. He is having problems with his gf. I have stopped caring about his relationship problems because I know where he really belongs, and that is with me. But, I am going to try and move on and we will see what happens. Have to get ready for work. So, ttyl
Love
Andrew Bennett
Just stay good friends with BV. If he is trying to stay on the straight with his gf, he will pull back from any homosexual feelings he may have. Some guys with gay inclinations try to go with girls and eventually they fight and break up cos the girl instinctively feels that the guy is not really into her sexually. Stay good friends and see where it goes. If he is str8 well he is str8 and no sense flogging a dead horse when there are 100% gay guys out there for you. Btw most young gays are firmly in the closet in high school. I figure about 5% of young guys are hard core gay and maybe another 5% gay inclined. Do the math and figure out how many gay guys there are in your school! I'll bet even some of the 'jocks' are closeted gays. (what is more homo-erotic than a sports team and locker room showers!) As for some whispers in school just maintain your class attitude and don't dignify it by getting upset. I hope you can improve in school and get work done too; I definitely respect a working teen. bfn - Wayne :)(lots of us gay guys are bikers; my current ride is a Triumph Street Triple R)
ReplyDeleteGay or str8, you have to figure out if the chase offers any rewards. Apparently, with BV, it doesn't. I'd be willing to bet, that with you being out to most people, someone else out there is thinking the same things you are, and since you are out, perhaps also trying to figure out how to make that first contact, probably without immediately outing himself to everyone else (yet). How's that for a run-on sentence?
ReplyDeleteIn any case, I think you've got the right idea...be friends with BV, you need friends that at least know about you that you can be with openly, so don't push him away! But you know his limits physically. So honor them and you keep a friend.
Oh, and it's good that you don't let the snide offhand comments get to you. I hope it stays that way!
Peace <3
Jay